Moving violations State Police say they pulled over a guy going 146 mph Wednesday on the turnpike – in a Dodge Neon! I once dated a girl who drove a Neon and that sucker could barely go fast enough to handle the on-ramp, let alone the turnpike itself. The only thing fast about that car […]

Who ya gonna call? Almost got beat up in the newsroom the other day after announcing to the other reporters that I was never a fan of the original “Ghostbusters.” I know that it’s “a classic,” whatever that means, but I never got the hype. Anyway, I averted that beatdown, but when I added that […]

Drained Many of you good, probably drunk people have sent me your photos of the canals in Lewiston, which were recently drained. I appreciate all the images of busted computer monitors, bent shopping carts, sad-looking boots, bald tires, wrecked bird cages, ancient TVs, ugly sofas and doorless microwave ovens scattered half-buried in the muck at […]

The Mad Dog barks at midnight Somewhere in Lewiston, a man walks into convenience store, grabs a bottle of liquor off a shelf, downs it and promptly passes out on the floor. Now, I ask you: is that even shoplifting? I mean, the drunken fellow never left the store with the goods. As far as […]

Black cord fever When I was a young fella, I used to go out to the bars all night and then come reeling home with the drunken notion that 2 a.m. is a great time to make phone calls. All lit up and gregarious, I’d call ex-girlfriends, old buddies I hadn’t seen since kindergarten, distant […]

Pantsless at Shaw’s It happened in Lewiston because Lewiston is like the half-naked capital of the state, am I right? A shopper was reported to be inside the store wearing a shirt but no pants, which to me doesn’t violate any laws whatsoever. I mean, the sign on the door does say “shoes and shirt […]