My shirtless wife was becoming hysterical, convinced the tiny spot on her back was something other than a freckle. “Look again,” she said. So, I did, moving in with a magnifying glass like Sherlock Holmes on his lamest assignment ever. “It’s a freckle,” I told her. “It’s not,” she said, so I looked one more […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the Town: What's up with that?
Behold, the Pink Crusader On Monday in Sabattus, a police officer was dispatched for a report of a naked man walking in the road. Why was he walking naked? Because it’s awesome this time of year, that’s why. But in this case, the man was said to be upset that roadwork had caused the closure […]
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Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: A life up in flames
The man with the sooty face stood in the dancing glow of flames and watched his home burn to the ground. He stood with his arm around the shoulders of his sobbing wife and just watched it happen. His face didn’t express much, although I could see the muscles of his jaw bulging below the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: A journey of a thousand miles and whatnot
Hero squirrel of Idaho So, some dude’s pet squirrel thwarted a burglary by lunging out of the dark and scaring the thief into an embarrassing retreat. This is exactly why I keep three pet degus at my place – two of them are heavy into the krav maga while the third does Zumba. He’s always […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Patiently waiting for Mom Nature to rock my world
Somewhere far off, in the low-slung clouds in the eastern sky, a storm is brewing. There’s a faint rumbling that sounds like a raucous party two or three doors down. The world has darkened and trees are stirring. The birds and bugs have gone silent, and that silence is foreboding. A few fat raindrops splatter […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Thou shalt not exercise unauthorized control
I think it’s only fair to warn you: I am in possession of a shod foot and I’m not afraid to use it. Forgive my surliness. I’ve been reading through the latest list of criminal indictments, where court folks take exciting local crimes and twist them into confusing, dull and overly long paragraphs of legalese. […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme, Uncategorized
Street Talk: History repeats itself
You must forgive my disheveled appearance this morning. The uncombed hair, the week’s worth of beard, that distinct man scent that follows the terminally unwashed … I’m just back from vacation, you understand, and I’ve been on a bender. Not the old-style bender, mind you — surely you would have read about that in the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web, Uncategorized
Talk of the town: What I won't do for love
Baby Cakes Hee. I was behind a minivan the other day that bore a license plate with some variation of that name on it. Baby Cakes. I snickered. I guffawed. I both snickered and guffawed to the point where I was actually snickuffering. Then I pulled up alongside the van and saw that the dude […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web, Uncategorized
Talk of the town: Does this look infected to you?
Deliver me So, somewhere in Androscoggin County Wednesday afternoon, a man was reported to have emerged from the woods, carrying a banjo and reportedly howling at various things. There’s no crime in that. Unless, of course, you left Ned Beatty back in the woods somewhere, in which case I foresee all sorts of trouble. My […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Hookers, johns and Judgment Day
The man was the very definition of humility. He came into the newsroom with his hat in hand, an older fellow whose eyes were red, either from crying or trying not to. He was shaking. He was pale. He was terrified. “Does my name have to go in the paper?” he asked. “Can’t you leave […]