LISBON — You’ll never hear Mr. James Ross bragging about killing the rabid fox with a meat cleaver in his kitchen. It’s a London-esque tale of quick thinking and self-preservation, but the 82-year-old isn’t crowing about it because the way he sees it, the ending is a sad one. “I’ve lived with animals all my […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Does this look infected to you?
You gonna eat that? Somewhere in the Twin Cities early in the week, a dude called police to report finding a piece of plastic in his box of cereal. My friend, if that hunk of plastic turns out to be the Honeycomb Cereal baking soda submarine, I will gladly trade you a Kellogg’s vintage stretchy […]
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Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Looking for a graduation do-over
At every high school graduation I cover for the paper, I meet that same kid. He’s the handsome guy, chronically smiling in his cap and gown, who always has a perfect answer at the ready when I ask about his plans. “Well, tonight a bunch of us are heading to Old Orchard Beach, where we […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: International House of What, now?
Where the wild things are So at the suggestion of many of you yahoos, I went out the other day in search of the mighty multi-colored zebra that was being painted on the side of a downtown Lewiston parking garage. Unfortunately, when I started this safari, I didn’t bother to ask for a location. You […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: How would you like your eggs?
A meteorological Tilt-A-Whirl Why is it raining so much lately? Oh. Right. Smokey’s Greater Shows has come to Auburn. I’m pretty sure smart farmers plan their gardens around this carnival. Whenever it appears, you can count on a week straight of rain. Yule think I’m crazy So, I was called out by a Hannaford clerk […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Ransacked: Broken glass and shattered faith
It wasn’t so much the break-in itself as it was the wrath of it. “There was glass everywhere,” the woman reported. “It was on the floor and all over the bed. All the drawers were open and clothes had been thrown everywhere. It was a disaster.” And it wasn’t just the bedroom that had been […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: Don't harsh my mellow
Flute Choir Ends Oasis Season This headline ran on Tuesday. I can’t stop looking at it. It soothes me. Portland Pie Company is coming!!!! Holy moly! People got leg-humping happy about this news. Portland Pie Company is one of those places that my wife tells me I love even though I have no clear recollection […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: Feed your head
Dude, vote for me At the Democratic State Convention last week, I ran into a nice lady in the parking lot who claimed to be running for one office or the other on the hemp platform. In fact, she had ground up her platform, sprinkled it into paper and twisted it into the fattest and […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: What happens on the Tilt-a-Whirl stays on the Tilt-a-Whirl
Bring an umbrella Well, well. It appears that a giant Elvis Presley balloon will be floating over the Twin Cities come August. You know the kind of effect Presley has on the older ladies. It will be fun to watch them fling their undergarments at The King when he’s 500 feet overhead. It’s gonna be […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: If you can find your glasses, you're going to love reading this
It’s been a few years now since the voodoo witch doctor optometrist put a curse on me. He was my wife’s eye doctor at the time and we ran into the fellow at the grocery store. After the usual grocery store pleasantries (“I see you bought the Charmin two-ply. How’s that working out for you?”) […]