A funny thing happened on the way to 2017

If there’s one thing we can say about 2016 it’s that it was one giant feast for comedians. If you spend the bulk of your time telling jokes, this zany year might have put you at risk of comedic overload. The presidential campaign alone was like a perfectly executed gag played on us all. I mean, come on. Donald Trump’s skin tone? Hillary Clinton’s e-mail server? Add in the now-forgotten likes of Jeb Bush, Gary Johnson and Evan McMullin (wait, who?) and you’ve got the kind of yuks that hernias are made of. Before, during and after Election Day, you couldn’t walk down the street without tripping over a joke and falling into a pile of laughs.

Plus drones playing Pokemon Go, the legalization of weed, college kids fleeing to their safe spaces, inexplicable terms like “Bae,” an Olympic swimmer faking a robbery, the Cubs winning it all, the resurrection of Scott Baio (seriously, who knew Chachi was still alive?) and Kanye West in the middle of everything. It was lunacy at every turn and it was probably all Russia’s fault.

It was the kind of year where if you didn’t laugh at the world, you’d surely cry. Fortunately, the Lewiston-Auburn area has an abundance of comedians to point out the uproarious side of things. Here are their thoughts on the year that was, with a few hopeful signs of things to come.

Mark Turcotte

Best of 2016

* Deadpool. It had all the ingredients of a great superhero movie: solid plot, action-packed, funny . . . and didn’t employ Ben Affleck.

* Marijuana-infused wine, the most efficient way to add paranoia to depression.

* USA Basketball winning gold in Rio. Must’ve been difficult to leave their luxury cruise ship long enough to meet expectations.

* A-Rod played his final game as a New York Yankee. In a fitting tribute, the first 5,000 fans through the gate received a commemorative syringe.

* Scott Baio speaking at the Republican National Convention. He received the invitation after Ralph Malph declined.

* Kentucky Fried Chicken’s “Watt a Box,” designed to charge your phone while you eat. The first KFC product created to extend a life.

* The new TraxPack suitcase that can climb stairs. This brings my level of physical activity somewhere between breathing and suitcase.

* Rob Gronkowski appearing on the cover of GQ magazine. It was the first time Gronk appeared in a publication he could spell.

* Samsung Galaxy Note 7 and hoverboards. Some call if flawed technology, I call it thinning the herd.

* The realization that anyone; yes, anyone; yes, even that guy; no, seriously, that guy, can become president.

Worst of 2016

* Fake news, post truth and faulty fact checking. Brian Williams was ahead of his time.

* Pokemon Go. If I want to see hordes of blank-faced zombies wandering in the streets, I’ll watch “The Walking Dead.”

* “Surreal” being chosen as Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year. I was partial to “deplorable,” “bigly” and “unpresidented.”

* USA skeet shooter Kim Rhode won bronze in Rio. An American placing third in a gun-related event. Disgraceful.

* The nicknames: “Little Marco,” “Lyin’ Ted,” “Corrupt Kaine” and “Crooked Hillary.” I wasn’t sure if Trump was running for president or trying to replace Chris Berman at ESPN.

* Krispy Kreme’s doughnut-flavored soda. They’ve taken your waistline, now they want your feet.

* Polluted water at the Rio Olympics. Guanabara Bay was full of plastic bags and raw sewage while the pools contained green water and Ryan Lochte.

* Peyton Manning watched the Broncos win Super Bowl, then turned post-game interviews into an infomercial. As if diarrhea wasn’t enough reason to steer clear of Papa John’s and Budweiser.

* The Cubs won the World Series and made Bill Murray cry. No one should make Bill Murray cry.

* Harambe. 5/28/16 Never Forget.

What to look forward to in 2017

* A victim of her husband’s immigration policy, Melania Trump will be deported.

* Pregnancy, drinking and drug use continue to decline among teens, making life miserable for programming executives at MTV.

* Scientists will discover a plastic eating bacteria that could help save the planet — and kill most of Hollywood.

* Verizon will kick customers off their unlimited data plan if they use over 100GB per month. In turn, customers will provide Verizon with a dictionary.

* Trump learns that our oceans will contain more plastic than fish by 2050. He’ll encourage us to educate our children and work together so we can get it done by 2042.

* Scientists reveal we’re closer than ever to understanding time travel. Unfortunately, the discovery is made in 2096.

* Apple will release an “affordable” iPhone named the iPoor. Standard apps include MySpace, AskJeeves and a Polaroid camera.

* Trying to discourage marijuana use, Gov. LePage warns that “ziki flies” are attracted to pot smoke; so are herpes spiders and tuberculosis ants.

* Despite his 20 wins and 300 strikeouts, the Red Sox take no chances and declare David Price ineligible for the postseason.

* Trump declares war on every state he lost in the election and replaces the Statue of Liberty with Ivanka in a bikini.

Ali Simpson

Best of 2016

* Federal law now requires baby changing stations in men’s restrooms, so men are changing their babies into cool things like dinosaurs and skidoos.

* When Bernie Sanders told the 1 percent to get off of his lawn.

* Wessie, the escaped boa constrictor in Westbrook, boosted the depressed mill town’s tourism industry by 2.3 percent.

* David Bowie really brought it with his new album, Blackstar. I can’t wait to hear what he does next!

* There was so much great TV this year — “Stranger Things,” “Game of Thrones,” “Westworld” — that I haven’t kept up on the news at all.

Worst of 2016

* Maine made national news! For our governor being racist . . .

* Legal weed passed in Maine. Wait, this was like, totally supposed to go in the “Best Of” category.

* The interest on my student loans.

* There’s no way to sugarcoat it: Insulin prices are the highest they’ve ever been.

* In response to its water crisis, Michigan politicians swiftly acted to change the city of Flint’s name to Lead.

What to look forward to in 2017

* The apocalypse, so I can call out of work.

* The minimum-wage increase for waitstaff in Maine. That means I don’t have to tip, right?

* Trump bringing all of the manufacturing jobs back.

* Trump repealing Obamacare — I hope he keeps the Affordable Care Act, though. I like that!

Mike Levinsky

Best of 2016

* Me not dying (except on stage, occasionally).

* My 6-year-old’s response to me calling her a picky eater. “Yeah, well you’re a picky talker!” Sass, it’s alive and well.

* Even more Cheez-It variations. America: 2 political parties, 12 MILLION SNACK FOODS.

* That new mini series about us maybe possibly going to Mars in 30 years. Inspiring.

* The Red Sox not sucking until the playoffs.

Worst of 2016

* Wednesday, November 9th, the morning after the election, having to explain to my 10-year old son that I ate all his Halloween candy. “Daddy’s a stress eater . . .”

* Obama not endorsing Trump. That’s the only thing that could’ve stopped him . . .

* Losing the legends: Prince, Bowie, even Alan Thicke.

* Bill Belichik endorsing Donald Trump because “He’s my friend.” Really? Pokemon’s my friend, but I didn’t vote for him as president.

* My Facebook posts, in general, underperforming.

What to look forward to in 2017

* More and better snacks.

* Not much else.

Krystal Kamenides

Best of 2016

* Comedian Dave Chappelle hosting SNL after an 11-year hiatus from the spotlight. I had feared he was in Gov. LePage’s “book of thieves” and thus was in hiding . . . or that Wessie had mistaken him for a beaver.

* Marcy’s Diner making national news for having zero tolerance of the terrible 2s. Thank you, Jesus. Because I prefer to gorge myself on pancakes and sausage in peace and quiet, encased in a shroud of stale Allen’s Coffee Brandy, and not the shrill screaming of uninhibited 2-year-olds enjoying their morning furlough from the pack-n-play.

* This occurred at the Hannaford on Riverside Ave. in Portland: Going through the express checkout line with just two items: bananas and batteries. No bag. Feminism at its finest.

* Simone Biles effortlessly snagging the 2016 Olympic individual all-around, floor and vault gold. I thought she was my little cousin (you know: we’re all related) until I heard her speak. Sitting up there sounding like a Kardashian on helium. “Ohhhhh . . . my . . . GAWD!”

* Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. Sale of self-tanner, hand sanitizer and Tic Tacs skyrocketed. It’s a win, win, win. I mean, just yuge.

Worst of 2016

* Kanye West. Tiny little angry man. Shut. It. Down.

* The Netflix-n-chill trend. Worst ever. Just, no. Save your money, cash in your clynx, sell some edibles and take me out on a date like a proper gentleman.

* The popularity of man-buns. On anyone. Stop it.

* Personally going on a 10-day cruise to the Bahamas. Four thousand passengers gorging themselves on Guy Fieri burgers 24/7. I can never unsee that. Ever.

* The loss of legends Natalie Cole, David Bowie, Prince and Muhammad Ali. If you’re a millennial reading this – Google them.

What to look forward to in 2017

* Trump Tweets. They’re like GMO-laden chimichangas. You know you shouldn’t even bother, but you can’t help yourself . . .

* Kanye West. Free entertainment. And when you tire of him, just think: Someone procreated with him. Twice.

* A drop in the price of Stoli vodka. . . . Wait – are we still boycotting that? Or just Melania? Or Ivana? Marla? Marla?

* Five Islands Lobster Co. in Georgetown. I dream about their lobster rolls with just the perfect amount of cilantro mayo. It’s as close to crack as I’ll ever get. And you can BYOB. That’s a house party for middle-aged mothers.

* Lebron James’ new game show – “The Wall” — promises to be life-changing to its winning contestants. It’s tag is “All that stands between you and $12,000,000 is . . . THE WALL.” I wonder if Lebron met with Trump, too. Feels like some serious collaboration took place.

Mike Gray

Best of 2016

* Donald Trump’s hair. I think if you part it you will see a demon face in there whispering things into his ear. “Tell them, Donald! Tell them you’re going to build a wall . . .”

* The guy who threw himself into a lion pen to commit suicide. The determination of that man! I wish I could muster up that kind of courage.

* When LePage thought “D-money” was a gangster name of a minority who gets white girls pregnant in Maine. Leave my ex-girlfriend out of this!

Worst of 2016

* Lemmy dying the day after switching to vodka “for health reasons.” Thanks, Orloff.

* The moment we realized that David Bowie died at age 69, and that Mick Jagger is now having his 8th (known) child at 73. I can’t get no satisfaction knowing that.

* When the militia took over the bird sanctuary in the middle of nowhere and they forgot to bring snacks, despite being prepared for a zombie apocalypse.

* Trevor Noah.

* Any of Donald Trump’s tweets, and the media storm that followed.

What to look forward to in 2017

* More celebrity deaths, just not the kind you want. Kanye will continue to suck the marrow from our minds.

* Mick Jagger’s 9th (known) child.

* More terrible music.

Johnny Ater

Best of 2016

* My first grandchild was born, little Horace Enoch Mason Cufford Ater . . . little girl . . . 18 pounds, 9 ounces . . . little Maine girl.

* I finally started charging my son rent for living in the basement. It’s a little strange, the only time I see him is when he needs money for rent.

* My wife’s sleep apnea is finally under control. The pillow makes it so much quieter.

* Scientists and my wife have recently confirmed that the ingredients in Grape Nuts cereal is crushed granite, fragments of ceramic, tile, sand and barley. This contradicts a prior study noting Captain Crunch as the loudest food known to man.

Worst of 2016

* Just like the election, I’m finding out the popular vote in my house doesn’t mean anything.

* I started lifting weights . . . they are SO heavy.

* I cut off one of my thumbs in a table saw accident. Which isn’t good because when I’m hitchhiking I can make it there but I can’t get back.

What to look forward to in 2017

* Writing better jokes.

Harold Tucker

Best of 2016

* David Chappelle’s opening set for SNL. You want to see one of the greatest? Watch that set.

* Trump being elected — not because of his politics, because it is going to be some of the best four years for comedians. The material is going to be nonstop. The bad impressions, nonstop! The skits NONstop! The bad puns NONSTOP! MAKE COMEDY GREAT AGAIN!

Worst of 2016

* Hillary not being elected — not because of her politics, because we are going to miss out on the bad impressions, the skits, the bad puns, the Bill Clinton Jokes! I’M WITH HER, so I can make fun of her!

What I’m looking forward to:

* Seeing how comedy evolves. There are so many creative minds in comedy. With social media there is so many ways for comics to get their material to the world.

Dawn Hartill

Best of 2016

* “Play That Song” is the first new music from pop group Train in over two years. Even though it is basically the melody of “Heart and Soul” at least now I can tell people I know how to play a hit song on the piano.

* Spanx are amazing! For $49.95 you can purchase a little package of hopes, dreams and muscle tone. Eat cheesecake for breakfast, slap those babies on and your pants still fit!

* “This Is Us” had everyone hooked from the first episode. It also had me realizing that when TV pulls my heartstrings enough, I will believe anything. Mandy Moore as the mother of very non-identical triplets that are the same age as her seems totally feasible.

* Burger King brought back Cheesy Tots and Cheetos Chicken Fries — IN THE SAME YEAR. Cheese on the inside of deep-fried tater tots and cheese flavoring on the outside of deep-fried chicken. Yum! *see Spanx gratitude above*

Looking forward to in 2017

* Jackie Evancho (2nd-place winner of “America’s Got Talent”) is slated to perform at Trump’s Inauguration. Because, apparently, the Electoral College picked the entertainment too.

Mark Turcotte

Best of 2016: “A-Rod played his final game as a New York Yankee. In a fitting tribute, the first 5,000 fans through the gate received a commemorative syringe.”

Ali Simpson

Best of 2016: “Federal law now requires baby changing stations in men’s restrooms, so men are changing their babies into cool things like dinosaurs and skidoos.”

Mike Levinsky

Best of 2016: “Even more Cheez-It variations. America: 2 political parties, 12 MILLION SNACK FOODS.”

Krystal Kamenides

The worst of 2016: “Personally going on a 10-day cruise to the Bahamas. Four thousand passengers gorging themselves on Guy Fieri burgers 24/7. I can never unsee that. Ever.”

Mike Gray

Best of 2016: “When LePage thought ‘D-money’ was a gangster name of a minority who gets white girls pregnant in Maine. Leave my ex-girlfriend out of this!”

Johnny Ater

Worst of 2016: “Just like the election, I’m finding out the popular vote in my house doesn’t mean anything.”

Harold “Tuck” Tucker

Best of 2016: Trump being elected — not because of his politics, but because it is going to be some of the best four years for comedians. The material is going to be nonstop. The bad impressions, nonstop! The skits NONstop! The bad puns NONSTOP! MAKE COMEDY GREAT AGAIN!

Dawn Hartill

Best of 2016: “‘This Is Us’ had everyone hooked from the first episode. It also had me realizing that when TV pulls my heartstrings enough, I will believe anything. Mandy Moore as the mother of very non-identical triplets that are the same age as her seems totally feasible.”