I wish I could just come out and report it: Bigfoot has been spotted running amok and terrorizing town folk in the wilds of Turner. Or possibly Greene. We’re talking about the legendary, hirsute biped out there uprooting trees, slaughtering livestock and eating slow-moving hikers like they were pork rinds. Or possibly Funyuns. I’d like […]
Street talk
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: The belt, the boot and a dog with no name
In the video, the dog’s eyes gleam in wide-eyed fright as the belt comes down over and over. It is a short clip and not easy to follow. The camera pans from the apparent whipping to piles of poop in and around a Timberland work boot. In the background, a young woman can be heard […]
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Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Don't they know they have the right to stay silent
We were all pretty enthralled to read about the Buckfield gangsta who led cops on a chase through two counties before trying to dash off running back-style with nearly two kilos of blow. Of course, he’s innocent until proven guilty. But if the information from police and in court affidavits paint the full picture, the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Knuckleheads and knuckle sandwiches
Back in the day, as a rule I’d go to every downtown fight I heard about over the police scanner. It’s not that I’m a fan of random violence, mind you. No need to write that angry letter to the editor. I tend to prefer fisticuffs in the boxing ring, on the hockey rink or […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: It was the night before Christmas and I got nothing
So, I was desperate for column ideas on a Monday afternoon that also happened to be Christmas Eve. No brainer, right? I’d just head to the stores, behold the eye-bulging madness of last-minute shopping and let that column write itself. Maybe it would be a hair-pulling, eye-gouging brawl in the toy aisle over the last […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Can we get on with it, already?
“The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older; shorter of breath and one day closer to death.” Pink Floyd A very wise teacher back in high school once advised me to never wish away time. I found it to be very profound advice, indeed, and I fully intended to plan my […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Gangland shootings and cute dogs in hats
It had been a rowdy morning on Bartlett Street. Right around the time most people are sleepily fetching newspapers from front porches, bullets were flying between two groups of rival drug dealers. Apartment houses were dotted with bullet holes. Tenants dove for cover under kitchen tables and on the street outside, a trail of blood […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: All of summer in one weekend
If I was a more enterprising lad, I’d create a service in which people could fulfill all of their summertime desires over one glorious — and probably sleepless — Labor Day weekend. You know how it is, my bros. Labor Day comes around and you’re just moping all through the family barbecue because you realize you […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: #$@% this!
So, I was grilling a steak Saturday night when the back of my hand came in contact with the metal grill lid. The pain was immediate. There was even a nice sizzling sound to verify that my flesh was being charred. It took only a split second for my pain receptors to register the agony, […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: The sad news about my Ford Uvula
From the day my very first car heaved and groaned and hitched its way out of the driveway, I have dreaded turning to an auto mechanic for help. For one thing, when you bring your car to a professional for repairs, you’re conceding that you’re not man enough to do the work yourself. That’s not […]