Taking it to the streets

On Tuesday, one of my downtown friends reported a woman dragging a vacuum cleaner up Pine Street just a few minutes before midnight. Finally there’s someone willing to get out there and clean up the downtown.

A-OK, good buddy

Well, it finally happened. While attempting to fix a broken knob on the newsroom police scanner, I accidentally glued my fingers together, just like you see in the cartoons. I would have just lived with the problem rather than go through the pain of glue removal, but fastened together were my pointer finger and thumb, so that I was hopelessly stuck giving the world the universal sign for “OK!” Everything is definitely NOT OK, so out came the industrial strength Goo Gone.

Uniden Homepatrol 1

This is what I bought to replace the old scanner, by the way. As the kids say, OMG! Touch screen, easy programming, the ability to replay or record transmissions . . . the Homepatrol scanner is the kind of device crime reporters have hot dreams about. But now I fear I’ve said too much.

Come and get it

Well, it finally happened. I went out and bought a birdhouse to hang in my backyard in hopes of drawing legions of feathered creatures to entertain and annoy my cats. It’s been three days now and not a single bird has flapped in for the fine dining. I don’t get it. I mean, I crammed in as many ham and cheese sandwiches as I could fit in there and even dropped in a few Doritos, to boot. Nothing. I guess I’m going to have to try sirloin steak with a side of spicy fries to tempt them.

Ride like the wind

I was parked in front of Speaker’s market in downtown Lewiston Tuesday afternoon when I was approached by three yoots who wanted to know if it was difficult to ride a motorcycle as awesome as mine. I launched into the same old spiel, informing them that once one learns how to ride a motorcycle he will never forget. And how when you find a motorcycle that you really love, you become one with the machine. Yep, I advised the kids. When you ride a beloved bike, it’s as familiar to you as wings are to a bird and that relationship between man, machine and road is the most beautiful thing in the world. Then I started up the bike, released the clutch too soon and lurched over a curb before slamming into a mailbox and landing upside down inside the receptacle. OK, none of that really happened, but I was seriously thinking about wiping out in such a fashion just for the irony.