Gift giving can be such a rewarding experience. You enjoy giving and most people enjoy receiving, so what can be so hard about giving just the right gift? Well, some have learned the hard way that “the right gift” may be perfect in their sight but it may evoke only a feigned look of appreciation from the recipient.

When choosing a gift that will be a hit, you may just have to lay aside your ideas of “the perfect gift.” Consider the following scenarios:

Your daughter-in-law wears bright-colored blouses. Doesn’t she know how gaudy they look? Perhaps, you think, you should tone her down a bit, so you select a camel-colored, three-quarter length sweater for her Christmas present. You smile confidently as she opens her gift. She looks a bit confused as she holds up the sweater. What you don’t hear is her thoughts: “His mom doesn’t know me at all; I’ll never wear this bland thing. Let’s see, who do I know who’d look good in this…or what thrift store would appreciate something with the tag still on it?” You weren’t being malicious in your gift selection; you were just trying to round out her wardrobe. But if you had her taste in mind, you would have bought her a muted teal sweater.

Your husband hasn’t been too attentive to you lately. He’s been so caught up in his work that he hasn’t had time to just get away and relax. Wouldn’t a quiet weekend getaway be the perfect surprise for him (and for you)? You call the quaint hotel where you spent your honeymoon. With memories of romance and new beginnings, you make the reservations and anticipate another weekend filled with relationship-building moments. Never mind that he wanted a drill; he can get that for his birthday. He pulls the ribbon off the small, masculine-wrapped gift box and wonders where he’ll be using his home improvement store gift card. He pulls the certificate out of the envelope and sees “Honeymoon Hideaway.” Is she serious? With well-veiled disappointment, he says, “Well, won’t this be fun? Thanks, Honey.” And he begins thinking how he could use his getaway time. The weekend comes, you cross the threshold of the familiar room and look at the loft bed. He steps into the room, adjusts the temperature, turns the TV onto the sports channel and promptly plops down in the overstuffed chair. Even your new negligee doesn’t challenge the thrill of watching golf pros. Incredibly disheartened, you pull your book out of the suitcase, crawl onto the plump mattress, pull up the blankets and watch him witness the bogeys. You should have bought him the drill.

Roses and lace, sunshine and flowers, pinks and lavenders, potpourri and sachets-what woman wouldn’t enjoy such gifts? There are many such women. They will smile pleasantly in appreciation and then toss it into the box of unwanted items purposed for the thrift store, stuff it under the bed or even hide it in a bag before they toss it into the garbage. You may find such frilly accoutrements lovely, but your friend may prefer pewter, straight lines and simplicity. Be very careful to consider the decorating style of your friend as you select the picture frame or lamp. Your desire is to please her, not foist your preferred style into her home.

Gift-giving can be mutually satisfying when it does not involve selfish motives. When selecting something that will be welcomed by the receiver, consider the unique personality, desires, decorating style and preferences of that individual. If it’s a wedding or shower gift, use the gift registry. If the item you would like to present isn’t currently available in the store, at least look over the requested items to discern colors, style or decorating scheme and select something complementary to the individual’s taste.

Whether it’s a birthday, holiday or just-because gift, attention must be given to who the gift is FOR, not who it is FROM. Selecting something perfectly suited to the recipient indicates your appreciation and consideration for that individual, putting the full emphasis on their desires. You, in turn, receive the acknowledgment of sincere, heartfelt gratitude. Yes, gift giving can be such a rewarding experience-for both the giver and the receiver.