Nosy friend takes self-guided tour in purse
DEAR ABBY: Some friends and I shared a vacation house last month. While I was out hiking, a supposed friend, “Lynette,” rummaged through my purse (which had been stashed in a closet) and made a non-emergency phone call on my cell. She didn’t tell me about it. I found out on my own.
It’s not that I mind her using my phone, but a purse is private, and I felt violated. Let me add that she also knew about an article I had packed in a zipped pouch that I keep in my beach bag. I don’t know why she snooped through my stuff.
Am I wrong to be upset? And do you think this “friendship” is worth continuing? — LIVID IN LEXINGTON, KY.
DEAR LIVID: Are you wrong to be upset? No. And the friendship is only worth continuing if you set some boundaries, because Lynette appears not to understand the concept of privacy.
DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol when parents dine out with their successful, married adult children and their spouses? As parents, are we expected to pay for their meals and costly alcoholic beverages for the rest of our lives? Or it is fair for these adult children — all of whom have well-paying jobs — to split the bill and tip with us?
We feel each couple at the table should chip in and pay their share of the costs — whether it’s our adult kids or contemporaries — but we have been criticized for it. It has reached the point that my husband and I split an entree to keep our restaurant bill within reason.
We’re approaching retirement age. Shouldn’t it be our choice whether we “treat” others to a meal or not? — PUZZLED IN LOUISIANA
DEAR PUZZLED: Of course the choice should be yours. However, you created this “monster,” so it is up to you to set the record straight. The way to do that is to make clear to your successful adult children before their next bite that you are all adults now and that as adults they will be responsible for paying their part of the tab.
DEAR ABBY: My former boss, “Ken,” is 30 years older than I am. We slept together several months ago while my boyfriend, “Vinny,” and I were separated. The affair was short-lived, and Vinny and I reconciled.
When I discovered I was pregnant, Vinny and I eloped. Abby, I’m almost positive this is Vinny’s baby, but I’m not 100 percent sure, so I told him everything.
Now Vinny wants me to tell Ken and his wife that I need a paternity test. I agree that Ken’s wife needs to know, but I’m afraid that bringing this out will bring some serious repercussions. What should I do? — NEEDS CLOSURE IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS CLOSURE: You and Vinny should have the DNA test performed. If it turns out the baby isn’t Vinny’s and you’re afraid to approach Ken and his wife for fear that Ken might retaliate in some way that could hurt your career, consult a lawyer before telling them about the upcoming blessed event.
If Ken is the father, he has an obligation to support his child. And you’ll be doing the wife a favor, because if your former boss is the naughty boy I suspect he is, you aren’t the first woman he has had unprotected sex with, and she needs to be tested for STDs.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.