Bob Neal

Remember when we all believed we’d be past COVID-19 by now? That was wishful thinking.

At this stage of the pandemic, lots of us are thinking wishfully. And lots of us are acting on that thinking by moving out of COVID’s path.

The Neighbor 2020-2021 American Migration Report shows that 14% of the people it surveyed who plan to move this year cited the pandemic as motivation. Neighbor.com helps customers find storage space, so it has an interest in people moving.

Other surveys have shown that about 20% more people have moved in 2020 and 2021 than in 2019, reversing a 10-year trend. The Pew Research Center found that as the pandemic wore on, more people moved for financial reasons, perhaps stemming from job loss, than directly fleeing the coronavirus. I know four people who have decided that the Garden of Eden may not be in Wisconsin, Oregon or Maine, after all. A couple would move if they could. I expect two others to leave Maine someday.

Yet, Maine is reportedly targeted by many trying to get away from it all. The New York Times even created a handy-dandy interactive locator tool last week to help those with itchy feet. More about that in a minute.

For some, the decision to move is easy. While working last year for the U.S. Census, I spoke with three of them. One winterized her camp on South Arm and moved in early from Massachusetts. Another moved to a three-story house on Sebago Lake from Connecticut. Two branches of one family moved to Raymond from Massachusetts.

So, with all the wishful thinking about greener pastures, I dug into The Times’s locator to see where one might imagine being better off. The Times screened for 24 criteria that would-be wanderers might consider when deciding whether to stay or go.

Then, I got to thinking, “What if I wanted to leave rural Maine? Where would I fit?” So, I ranked 15 of the criteria, eight as important and seven as doubly important to me.

My important criteria were schools, jobs, crime rate, income mobility, cool summers, low climate risks and the presence of young adults and retirees. My doubly importants were health care, restaurants, live music, political diversity, racial diversity, air quality and a measure we can call elbow room. Finally I screened by region, shunning the south, and for cost-of-living, opting for lower than average only.

Then, I started scrolling.

The best place for me was Green Bay, Wisconsin, which ranked third on my criteria. As it happens, I know Green Bay, was offered a job running a newsroom there and almost bought a farm there. We came to Maine instead.

Marilyn, my late wife, loved Green Bay when we visited in 2004 to see the UMaine women’s basketball team upend the nationally-ranked University of Wisconsin at Green Bay. Despite having finally settled in Maine after moving 15 times in our first 15 years of marriage, Marilyn said she could easily live in Green Bay.

Titletown, as Packers fans call it, offered a clean environment, age diversity and elbow room. It lagged in jobs, restaurants and live music.

Others in my top 100: Worcester (16); DePere, Wisconsin, five miles from Green Bay (20); and Albuquerque (86). But, Worcester has gutted its downtown, DePere and Green Bay suffer for being in a politically toxic state, and Albuquerque has too much crime.

Places where I have lived varied. Columbia, Missouri, where I grew up, came in at 222. Allentown, Pennsylvania was 223. Kansas City was 294, and Warren, Ohio, 841.

Guess I’m not leaving Maine, as much fun as it was to play with The Times’s toy.

But if I wanted to move within Maine, how do our places rank? Not high. Tops in Maine was Bangor at No. 171; then Old Town, 371; Augusta, 512; Lewiston, 561; Randolph, 614; Auburn, 641; Winthrop, 659; Gardiner, 660; Veazie, 668.  Then a drop-off to Ellsworth, 851; Hampden, 855; Fort Kent, 890; Chelsea, 895; and Milford, 897.

You can figure that Maine places almost all suffered in the rankings for lack of racial diversity and jobs. But they pretty well on restaurants, low crime rate (except Bangor, Augusta and Auburn) and very well on air quality and elbow room.

For schools, Maine places were all over the place. Veazie (Orono schools) was best, then Bangor, Ellsworth, Hampden and Winthrop. Augusta, Lewiston and Auburn scored low.

Bear in mind that while these measures are objective, the starting point was my subjective criteria. If you play with The Times’s locator, your results may differ greatly.

Maybe the biggest surprise to Bob Neal in The Times’s locator was Hibbing, Minnesota, ranking zero for music. Maybe Bob Zimmerman (Dylan) took it all with him when he left. Neal can be reached at turkeyfarm@myfairpoint.net.