To catch a thief
Danny Caron of the Green Ladle is so distressed that someone ripped the catalytic converter off a company truck, he is offering a whooooole bunch of catered food for tips leading to the arrest of the culprit responsible. I’m with Danny on this one. When some fiend slithers beneath your ride and completely cripples your ability to do your daily business, the rage and frustration is immense. (Ask me how I know.) In this case, the as-yet unidentified low-life swiped the converter from the Green Ladle truck used to haul a food trailer — which they use to raise money to help people who can’t afford to eat — while it sat in the parking lot. Caron is offering five meals a week for four people for four months, and a Thanksgiving meal for 10, to the person who leads the police to an arrest. That’s a pretty sweet bounty. Posses with big appetites are forming as we speak.

My thoughts on local elections
Ha ha! Did you really think I was going to weigh in on any of that? You don’t know me at ALL! Every year, I schedule my Halloween vacation so that it includes time off through Election Day. I want no part of that noise. Of course, now I’ll go through an adjustment period wherein I’ll repeatedly contact people who are no longer occupying offices from which I’m seeking comment. Sorry about that, Mr. Former Councilman. I thought you had it in the bag! The worst part is the weeping that follows.

And speaking of my vacation
The funnest part was setting up my “I’m on vacation so leave me alone” voicemail through our fancy new Zoom system. I didn’t have a microphone hooked up, so I had to use one of the built-in voices and the choices were limited. I went with the voice of a spooky little kid who sounds a bit like he might be a reject from the cast of “Children of the Corn.” Great fun. Seriously, go give my number a call. I won’t get around to changing the message until around roughly New Year’s Day.

Dracula out, Santa in
Is there anything sadder than seeing Halloween decorations come down and Christmas decorations going up? That’s rhetorical, by the way. It would be nice if there was at least some transitional phase. You know, go ahead and put that inflatable Rudolph on your lawn, but for the first week or so, make it a rabid Rudolph with blood-dripping fangs and razor-sharp claws the size of meat hooks. “Laugh and call me names NOW, Blitzen, and you’ll be shredded venison all across the North Pole!” But anyway, I’m just thinking aloud, now.