Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

You light up my life
Saw my very first firefly of the season last night. Trouble is, it was literally just the ONE firefly, not a whole field full of them like I always imagine when I think of warm summer nights. Offended, I did a quick search to see why the critters are ignoring me this summer and what do you know? It appears firefly populations are down just about everywhere, mainly due to light pollution. You can hardly blame the little buggers. Who wants to go through the trouble of lighting up his butt night after night if the nostalgic glow of it is just going to be lost to the dull, uninspired glare from the mega mall down the street? In solidarity with the fireflies, I, too, shall refuse to make my hindquarters glow.

It’s quiet. Too quiet.
You know what else I haven’t seen a lot of so far? Homemade fireworks displays blasting off at 3 in the morning. Usually by this time of year, you have to step around a bunch of random thumbs, toes and other body parts when walking on the streets. Like the disgraced firefly, the fireworks guys aren’t bothering anymore because the snaps, crackles and pops of their work is just being drown out by downtown gunfire, so why bother? In solidarity with firework enthusiasts, I, too, shall refuse to blow off my pinkies this year.

Woman punches bear
I really wish they’d let the sports department write this story for the sake of us boxing enthusiasts. Did the lady deck the beast with a jab? A cross? An uppercut? Did the bear try to slip the blow at all or did he go straight for what it’s now known as “The Evander’s Ear Maneuver?” Either way, that’s going to cost the bear some points and if this goes to a decision . . .

Well, that’s just sad
I’m just now hearing that the bear in question has been euthanized. Now doesn’t THAT just take all the fun out of the story? Worse than the De La Hoya vs. Sturm decision of 2004.

Christmas Tree Shops to close
Wow. I feel like I just reclaimed two or three years of my life. Mind you, I like Christmas Tree Shops just fine, but when a certain wife tells you she’s only stopping “for a couple minutes,” you will grow old waiting in the car. Happened to a guy I know.

Have a great Fourth!
A lot of people hit me with this greeting over the past week and it’s just dubious. These people want me to be happy and safe on the Fourth and I appreciate it, but what about the third? What about the fifth? Do these people not care what happens to me on the seventh, the eighth or even the eleventh of July? Happy Fourth? Same to you, buddy!