Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

You didn’t hear it from me
So, if I’m still around next winter (please, God, no) and you hear me say words like “Golly! It sure has been a mild winter so far!” or “Jeepers! Why, it’s mid-January and there’s hardly any snow on the ground at ALL!” I want you to come over with your favorite snow brush and beat me about the head with it until I stop saying things like that. I mean, the words were barely out of my mouth last week when 15 inches of SHUT UP fell straight out of the sky.

While you were sleeping
And by the way, are you like me? Do you like to go out to shovel the yard at 3 a.m., thinking you’re getting waaaaay ahead of those other fools who won’t get to it til hours later? You go to bed all smug and satisfied thinking you’ve really pulled one over on Ma Nature and her cohorts. Then you wake up nine hours later to see that a foot of snow has fallen since you hit the sack and your late-night efforts didn’t add up to squat. You’ve got to love those situations where your first utterance of the day is: “#!!#$##!”

I may be half mad, but man are my feet comfortable
When gunshots rang out in Lewiston last week, I was standing in my backyard doing pretty much nothing at all. When gunfire thundered from nearby, I thought of jogging along to see what the fuss was before discovering that once again, I was standing out there in the snow in my slippers. I mean, why am I always wandering about outside in my slippers, anyway? Am I destined to become one of those dudes who wanders around all over the place in slippers and a bathrobe, mumbling to himself and generally freaking people out at the grocery store? Let’s hope so because I could totally get into that lifestyle.

Today I learned
That if you put your trash out in a bag not protected by a can, crows will attack it. But only if your trash is in a white bag. Crows won’t touch the darker bags, according to street lore, because of bird reasons. This makes the scientist in me want to leave trash out in both colored bags to see what happens. I’ll do it at a neighbor’s house in case it’s messy. Science!

Have you heard about the bird?
A day after the area was soaked by some pretty hefty rain, I saw a snowman in somebody’s yard that had been whittled down by Mom Nature so that it looked like a giant hand giving me the finger. It was rude and helpful, yes, but unlike most middle fingers I see throughout the day, at least this one had a pretty hat on it.