Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

The naked truth about bats
Since I wrote about my recent experience with a bat invasion, I’ve heard from several other people with similar stories. My favorite so far was from a woman who had to chase a bat around her bedroom while completely nude in the middle of the night. Why, that tale almost made me regret having clothes on when my bat invaded. Nudity would have taken that battle up to a whole new level. Now I can hardly wait for the next bat to come along.

You’re welcome
For that image, by the way. Enjoy it.

What goes up won’t come down
Welp, I’ve lost another power window in the Nissan Titan. Have I mentioned how I hate power windows? Those things will let you down every time and the dealerships want you to sell an organ just to pay for the fix. Never again, bruh. I will have crank windows for the rest of my life if I have to drive a 1973 hearse to make it happen. Actually, a 1973 hearse would be a fabulous ride, now that I give it some thought. They’re roomy, sleek and you KNOW they can haul cargo. Time to start shopping around!

Times are tough
When it comes to gauging fluctuations in the economy and preparing for potential recessions, I use the price of aerosol cheese to dictate my level of panic. Well, it’s freak-out time, friends. At most grocery stores, the cost for just one can of this stuff is up over five bucks. Five bucks! That’s rough news if you’re like me and spray cheese is a good quarter of your daily diet.

Does this smell weird to you?
Have any of you studs noticed that you can’t buy basic hygiene products these days that don’t smell like Saturday night at the discotheque? Deodorant, body wash, shampoo … Doesn’t matter what brand or how much you spend, everything on the shelves these days makes you smell like you just got baptized in a vat of Drakar noir. Why any man would want his shampoo to smell like Rico Suave on singles night at the club is beyond me. I’m just going to go back to beating myself against a rock down at the crick on bath night.

My job description
I get called a great many different things by many different people during the course of my job. My favorite this week came from a retired TV news cameraman who called me a “rubber neckin’ gumshoe.” That, my friends is going straight onto my business card. Or, you know. It would if I had a business card.