Ernie Anderson

That’s some bad hat, Harry
Here we go again. Just like the Lewiston bear who has been ducking me all summer, the Popham great white shark likewise wants nothing to do with me. As soon as I heard there were a pair of shark sightings down there, I knew I had to go and clap eyes on that fish. All day I stood on the hot sand, gazing over the water and waiting for that iconic dorsal fin to rise out of the sea. This would finally fulfill a lifelong dream of mine in which I get to be the dude who runs along the beach yelling “Shark! Get out of the water!” just like Chief Brody himself on the big day. But nope. No shark for me. All I got for my efforts was gull poo on my shirt and a wife all mad because I kept stepping on her sand dollars. Somewhere in the depths that shark just laaaaughed . . .

That can-do spirit
Got a note from a nice lady who was concerned about my consideration of a hoverboard as a new hobby. She urged me to NOT give it a try because “your uniqueness is vital to this earth.” I think there might be a compliment in there somewhere, but her doubt about my hoverboard prowess hurts a little. I’m gonna go try out my new hoverboard in Lisbon Street traffic right now to prove her wrong. I’ll show her!

Nope
She was right, I was wrong and now I’ve got to go get some band-aids and a mop.

Puff is gone. Long live Puff!
So, I was riding through downtown Lewiston the other day when “Puff the Magic Dragon” came through my headphones, which was a weird little juxtaposition. Anyway, I’ve never been one of those people who believes that old bit about this song being a secret reference to mari-JA-wanna. Not at all. The song is about a terrible, selfish little boy who shamefully neglected his old friend and caused him to die sad and alone in a cave. I hate you, Jackie Paper! I’ll always hate you! So, I’m glad we got that cleared up.

Better be nice to me
I just got an unexpected check from the state of Maine in the mail and I still have no idea why. It’s not the Mega Millions, sure, but it’s a decent sum and I plan to treat my friends right. It’s party time, folks! I’m gonna go all Charlie Sheen with that $14.32 and you get to be there.