Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

As the sprocket turns
I’m just back from my vacation. Want to know what I did for kicks all week? See if you can guess: A day before said vacation was to start, it became apparent that the sprockets and chain on my beloved dual sport motorcycle were toast. And I mean TOAST. I knew this because everywhere I rode, I would hear CLACK CLACK CLACK and CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK as the chain shuddered and jived all over the place. It became unrideable and as it turns out, to get a new new chain and sprockets, I’d have to wait exactly one week. So for each day of my week off, I mainly groused. Threw tantrums. Sobbed a little. Every day I woke up hoping for downpours and every day I got mocked by glorious, sunny riding weather, instead. Life is cruel.

You didn’t see nuthin…
So, after I FINALLY got my sprocket situation settled, I was riding out on the back roads of Lisbon, heading for the trails. Got caught behind a bus and every quarter mile, it would stop to let a child off. Routine stuff. But on its very last stop, the bus driver pulled to the side of the road, opened the doors and waited 30 seconds while his passenger exited. Only, I didn’t see a single soul step off the bus and that leads me to believe that there is an invisible child living in Lisbon. An invisible child! Living in Lisbon! By gum, we all wished for the power of invisibility at one time or another, but this lucky boy or girl somehow managed to achieve it. I’d be tempted to go interview the lad or lass, but how would I know if he or she was even there?

Lewiston schools to ban cellphones
Wait, this isn’t already a thing? Kids are allowed cellphones in the classroom? Man, back in my day, if you showed up with so much as a cheap calculator your mom got for free with a carton of Kools, you were thrown in the dungeon.

Just kidding
My mother didn’t really smoke Kools. She smoked unfiltered Camels.

The X-files, possibly
While I was enduring the crappiest, biped vacation in history, many of you wrote me with tips about various things. Problem is, I have post-vacation brain haze and don’t remember them anymore. Something about a grassy knoll? An alien abduction? Secret portals to other dimensions beneath Lake Auburn? An invisible child army being trained in Lisbon? Ah, it’ll come back to me.

Sephora moving to new Auburn location!
Apparently this is some type of beauty boutique that I’ve never heard of. I know! It’s hard to believe, what with my glorious cheekbones, dazzling eyes and pouty lips. Believe it or not, this radiant beauty comes naturally to me. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, yo.