Ernie Anderson Talk of the Town

My dreams of opera stardom dashed
I had one of those appalling situations the other day where I was singing at the top of my really quite lovely lungs in a public area where I thought I was alone. But I wasn’t alone, there was an old fellow walking his equally aged dog along the sidewalk and I tell you: Neither of them looked at all impressed with my falsetto version of “Wake Up Little Susie.” I never know what to say in those situations, so I just nodded politely at the pair and cleared my throat as if that’s what I’d been doing all along. I wonder if they bought it.

Don’t blame Ned Beatty for this one
An astute and creeped out woman wrote me the other day to ask what was up with the unidentified squealing going on over near Edward Little High School in Auburn. I had some theories on the matter — you DON’T want to hear them, trust me — but it turns out they were all wrong. What this lady heard was a high, mechanical squeaking sort of noise that went on and on, seeming to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once. Now that I think of it, I was sort of near E.L. when I was serenading the world with that delightful Everly Brothers tune. I think we can mark this one as solved.

Those crazy Crawleys
Are you like me? Are you just dying to see the new “Downton Abbey” movie that just dropped in the U.K.?

My shame is great
Are you like me? Do you think it’s a really bad idea to admit that you dig “Downton Abbey” if you’re a crime reporter and not, in fact, a middle-aged woman? What I meant was, I can’t wait for the new “Predator” movie. That’s it. That’s the ticket.

My thoughts on the Johnny Depp trial
Are you on dope? You think I have thoughts on this Hollywood weirdness? Nah, bruh. I don’t even know who’s suing whom. Depp SHOULD be suing his agent because trying to remake “Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” was just a terrible idea. But beyond that, nah bruh.

Whoa!
I just read up on the Depp trial. Really . . . On his bed, huh?

Can I hear you now?
Got word last week that the Androscoggin County Sheriff’s Department was going to join Lewiston and Auburn PO-leece by encrypting their radio traffic. Turns out it was a bunk rumor. The ASO has nothing to hide, as it turns out. The sheriff evidently feels that the people he serves — the people who FUND that radio system — have a right to know what the department is doing. You see where I’m going with this?

Lewiston to erect largest free-standing sign in Maine
Sure, we could put the city name on this sign. But why not clear up ongoing confusion on social media by having it state: “It Wasn’t Us, That Happened in Auburn!”