Full moon over Lewiston
There’s a delightful photo circulating on social media that shows a fully naked (except for sunglasses) man calmly hanging on the back of a cargo-style truck as it motors down what is purported to be Sabattus Street in Lewiston, near the Blue Goose. The man appears to be coolly reading from a sheet of paper clutched in his free hand. A shopping list, perhaps, or a map to the location where he left his pants. I’ve tried to get to the bottom of this, butt so far all I’ve gotten are bum leads. The identity of this cheeky passenger remains unknown. I have more, but my editors are already looking at me funny. I better can it.

Don’t MAKE me use this wand
I’ll have you people know that after weeks of grousing about the sad shortage of potato sticks in the Greater Lewiston Area, my fairy godmother brought me a gigantic can of them. Delivered them right to my home even. Nice lady. I didn’t ask where she got the goods, of course. These fairy godmothers are sweet and all, but I know for a fact that many of them are living the thug life. I’ve seen things, man . . .

And speaking of deliciousness . . .
Does anybody remember the snack mix Doo Dads from back in the day? I loved those things as a kid, then one day there they were: gone. Don’t go telling me that Chex Mix or any of its hideous cousins are just as good, either, Bub, because they ain’t. I’m pretty sure Doo Dads were made of salted ambrosia, pretzels baked in heaven and possibly crack.

Forgot my %$!@#@ bag
The plastic bags have disappeared from the grocery stores and man, our lives will never be the same. Where we used to storm across the parking lots because we’d forgotten our face masks, now we’ll make that same march of rage because we’ve forgotten our dainty little disposable bags. I, for one, plan to have one of those bags knitted to my hands mitten-style so I’ll always have one. Who knows, it could start a happening new fashion trend. I’m known for that kind of thing, you know.

It’s people!
I messed up bad and forgot to get to the Bridgton drive-in last week for a showing of “The Shining.” As a consolation, I’ll get there this weekend for “Soylent Green.” The beauty of this movie is that you don’t have to spend money on popcorn or burgers at the food stand. If you get hungry, just take a bite out of the guy in the next car. It’s all in the spirit of the film, after all, and I’m sure that stranger will get a kick out of it when you gnaw off one of his ears.