Peak foliage or something

Yes, yes. The dying leaves are very pretty. Makes me want to put on one of those button-up sweaters, drink a steaming cup of pumpkin-flavored whatever, hang some dead corn on my door and talk about how, when you get right down to it, it really IS the best time of year. On the other hand, no it doesn’t. The countdown to spring begins.

Missing food item of the week

And the weird shortages at the stores continue, ostensibly due to COVID-19 but more likely because food distributors are trying to annoy me personally. While I’m still reeling from the complete vanishing of chocolate-flavored graham crackers, I’m suddenly vexed by the inability to find taco shells or taco sauce, and you better believe this is a life-changing development. I swear there’s this one demented hoarder out there who just goes after different randomly selected items each week. His garage will be crammed full of taco fixings, popcorn seeds, Delectables Stew cat food pouches, bags of lettuce, chunk white tuna (because his wife will yell at him all night if he accidentally gets chunk light, ask me how I know,) and Peanut Butter Cup Klondike bars. But no chocolate-flavored graham crackers, because even this guy isn’t crafty enough to get his hands on those.

Ooh la la

So, Shaw’s, for reasons unknown to me, has introduced these really fancy bags that a shopper has to use unless he happens to have a bag of his own. Which I don’t. The bags in question are quite nice, which is exactly the problem. When you bring home your loot from the store, it looks like you’ve been out shopping at some high falutin’ place, like Saks Fifth Avenue or Marden’s. Your wife might even get all excited, believing you have brought home an exciting and expensive gift. Which you have! A gift that includes three packages of ramen noodles, five dented cans of Vienna sausage, a shoehorn that you don’t really need, but hey, it was just a buck, some potato sticks, a block of cheese and some foot powder. Happy anniversary, baby! Why don’t you try it on and brag to your friends?

“Give them pumpkin to talk about”

That was a headline on a photo package featuring a couple people fondling pumpkins. Terrible. Just terrible. Wish I’d thought of it.

“Possible uses for Worumbo mill site”

Another photo, another caption. You know, there’s a book out there called “Worumbo” which you should read, like, yesterday. Look it up, bro.

Cats hanging out at Auburn library

Ha! Have you ever tried shushing a cat? Good luck with that, bro.