Together we will lick this thing 

So. It would appear that there are people out there licking toilets, coughing on produce and shooting video of themselves tonguing ice cream inside the supermarkets just for kicks. You know, I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries lately about the Black Death and other plagues that have vexed mankind for thousands of years. Never in the historical records do you hear reports of random boneheads doing idiotic things like that. They self-flagellated, covered themselves with leeches and constructed terrifying costumes featuring hats and giant bird beaks, sure. But I’m pretty sure that in all of Europe during those dark years, nobody went into a Costco and French-kissed a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. 

Under seige! 

People have been really inventive throughout this crisis. Very impressive. A blessing, really. However, I feel that I don’t need to see EVERY SINGLE VIDEO IN THE WORLD MARGINALLY RELATED TO THE CORONAVIRUS sent to me through links sent to me as private Facebook messages. Coronavirus videos have replaced the “Look how much snow is on my porch!” photo sorties of the past. Not to mention the “Have you ever SEEN this many crows before?” photo bombings of yore. 

Not without my Bunny! 

Some folks are putting Teddy bears and other stuffed animals in their windows so bored youngsters can go out on treasure hunts and try to spot the critters. Very cool. But if you think I’m going to put Mr. Tickle Bunny out there, you’re nuts. Hey, I’m under stress, too, and I need Tickle Bunny more than those kids do. Fortunately, I have some backup critters to put in the windows, instead. Halloween leftovers, mostly. Bats and rats and fanged zombie dogs need love, too, ya know. 

Let’s hook up 

If you’re using Zoom or Skype or any of that high falutin’ software to stay in touch with people during this weirdness, I’d like to hear about it for a feature story I’ll be working on. From home. In my feety pajamas and with Mr. Tickle Bunny supervising. Send your thoughts to mlaflamme@sunjournal.com. If your video engagements feature terms such as “hot flirt,” “sexy mingle” or any use of the word “hookup,” you may keep those thoughts to yourself. I’m not judging, mind you, I just think that kind of thing would make for an entirely separate story down the road. Waaaaaay down the road. 

I’m going to be a star!

Now that I think of it, wouldn’t “Not Without my Bunny!” be a great title for my biography? “Not Without My Bunny: The Mark LaFlamme Story. Up next on Lifetime.” Starring Sam Heughan. You’d watch that, right?