It’s taken me all morning to regain a bit of composure. I’ve been in tears off and on for about two hours now, since reading this article. First, I want to thank Kathryn for writing a truly difficult but well written and beautiful piece. For the women, Janet, thank you for having the courage to come forward and share your story. I am sure you will have reached so many who needed to hear this.
Most on here know, but for those who don’t I am slowly approaching my five-year mark of being a pedestrian struck by a vehicle. It was Valentine’s day, 2012 when I was crossing the street in Mexico and was hit by a car reported to be traveling at 35mph. I don’t remember a lot of being hit, matter of fact my memory for the first three weeks of my hospital stay is sparse at best. One of the few things I do remember was hearing a female’s sobbing voice say “I’m so sorry”. It wasn’t until almost a year later in therapy that I made the connection on who that voice belonged to.
I find it ironic that just this weekend I was reminded by two people, people who had never met me but knew of the accident, how some felt towards her for what happened. How quick people need to find someone, anyone to blame. I have family, friends, and even strangers who talk to me in disbelief that there wasn’t justice for the accident.
From the Sun Journal article a quote from Michael Mitchell, CEO of Crisis & Counseling Centers in Augusta,
“There have been millions of people in these situations (who) went away in the darkness and never really healed from it because the attention was on the (person who died), not on them,” Mitchell said. “The experience can be burned into the psyche. It’s hard to say what images, smells, sounds various experiences can trigger. It could be the car, it could be the road, it could be the song that was playing on the radio.
“That’s part of the trap or the prison that person is stuck in,” he said. “If they stay passive to it, then they kind of stay prisoner to their own hell.”
I never held ill will to her. I never wanted revenge. I never blamed her. Sometimes an accident is just an accident. I know in my heart she wasn’t gunning for me and I find it ridiculous that people speak about the accident like she was. Many make it seem like she was so careless and a true criminal for what happened. When almost everyone including me, have been distracted while driving. They also forget that it was dark out, that I wasn’t in the cross walk. There are a lot of what if’s that could have been thrown out to place blame. However, sometimes an accident is just an accident. Also, sometimes, holding onto those emotions can be more damaging and can keep you trapped in a prison, like Michael Mitchell said.
We also seem to forget that there are other people who are scared in an accident. From the victim, to the driver, their families, the paramedics and police, friends. That pain can reach far and wide and to people who were not directly involved. Any pedestrian accident I read about has triggers and I feel that pain all over again. I have flash backs, headaches, body pain, depression and I wasn’t even involved, but still feel connected to them.
My accident forever changed my life. I lost a lot that day. The person I was is now gone, replaced with someone who I feel is inadequate. I use to juggle motherhood, work, hobbies, and life in general like a magician. I had talents and went after anything in my sights with nothing but 150 percent of myself. No degree or writing background I scored my dream job as a journalist with the Sun Journal. I was there for my daughter and any need she had. I was one of those moms who baked homemade and even gourmet looking cupcakes, threw amazing birthday parties, and never once had to say I couldn’t manage doing something, even reading a book at night to her after working a 12-hour shift, cooking dinner and cleaning the house. 
It’s different now. Some days I’m lucky if I can manage a whole day without a nap, and some days I’m in bed all day. I have a hard time reading anything longer than a page or two and on some days, I can’t even manage a paragraph. My daughter and husband often hear me say, not right now I’m too sick. The physical pain and headaches never go away, they only change in intensity. 
I’m on medication for PTSD, anxiety and depression. I’ve only crossed the road a handful of times since then and still have triggers that leave me balled up in a fetal position on occasion. 
Even with all that I’m going through, I still think of her and her saying “I’m sorry”. We are friends on Facebook, although we don’t really chat or even comment on each other’s posts. I can see, however, that she is a good person. A mom just like me trying to make ends meet. I think of how the accident has affected her too. She didn’t plan to be the one on the road that day, and I know that. I know it was just an accident and I know I wasn’t the only one who walked away damaged.
I’m writing this from my perspective to hope some of you reading this will see, that sometimes an accident is just an accident. I hope when you post comments on stories, or say things in public you realize others who are holding onto so much pain from their own experiences can hear you. Please have a kind heart and please realize it easily could have been you in that car.
I also want to say to Kathryn and Janet…………
This is the first time in five years I’ve been successful at writing anything. I’ve tried so many times but just couldn’t and especially about my accident. I’m sure this piece is filled with poor grammar and typos. That aside, because of you, I wrote something. I did something that was so much a part of who I was and lost. Thank you for sparking that in me. Even if it disappears again and I fail at writing, it felt surreal. It felt freeing.