Somewhere in a factory overseas, months, maybe years, ago, some product designer turned to their cubicle-mate and said, “I think the world needs a Han Solo-in-carbonite doggy squeaky toy!” 

And they weren’t wrong.

These are amazing times to be a “Star Wars” fan, a shopper and an occasional consumer of frivolous things.

All three? *Bag Lady and Shopping Siren raise their hands* All the better.

This week, we set out in search of Chewbacca Coffee-Mate and instead found the aforementioned vinyl dog toy, storm trooper crayons, a Darth Vader waffle maker and “Star Wars” special edition mascara (“Collect all 10,” says the package. “We could not make this up!” says us.)

And though we did not find Chewy creamer, we did find Boba Fett Coffee-Mate, which we assume just tastes more treacherous.

We have no idea how coffee creamer, crayons or waffles are related to the films. (To be fair, we won’t see the latest movie until tonight; it’s possible Han has gotten into adult coloring or Leia has become a bit heavy-handed with the makeup.) But we also find we don’t really care. It’s “Star Wars” and this new greeting card/breakfast food/jelly bean packaging has Darth Vader on it!

We may be a little too enthusiastic for our own good.

Sew that new Kessel Run patch on your jean jacket and join us!

* Cover Girl “Star Wars” mascara, Wal-Mart, $5.94

The display for this Wal-Mart-exclusive tie-in ran the length of the aisle, with pictures advertising Dark Side and Light Side lipstick, nail polish and eye shadow.

On the actual shelves, we could only find one product: Dark Side Lashblast mascara. That’s the one that urges you to “collect all 10.” Upon closer inspection, those 10 collectible varieties differ only by the movie quote on the side of the tube. Eh. For nearly $6, grab just one, we say. If you need a “Star Wars” movie quote fix, we’re happy to oblige. (“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”)

* “Star Wars” Hallmark greeting cards, Wal-Mart, $4.97

Cards either play music or come with a puffy ornament, a collectible trading disk or a patch. There’s a mix of old school and new characters, holidays and birthday. Our favorite: the card with Han and Chewie and a patch noting the wearer has made the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs. Congrats! We knew you could do it.

* Boba Fett Coffee-Mate creamer, 32 oz., Wal-Mart, $2.98

One of five specialty flavors with a movie tie-in. (Bag Lady saw Chewbacca at Hannaford a month ago.) Chewy is spiced latte. Vader is espresso chocolate. We can sort of understand those two, but Boba Fett as Italian sweet creme? Because, Italian seasoning is green and Boba Fett’s costume is also green? And he’s, um, a sweet guy once you really get to know him? We’re guessing here.

* Hallmark “Star Wars” wrapping paper, Wal-Mart, $3.98

Need 22.5 square feet of Darth Vader brandishing a candy cane or Yoda resplendent in a Santa hat? That exists.

* Honey Nut Cheerios “Star Wars” edition, 1 lb., 5 oz., Wal-Mart, $3.98

The signature Bee is dressed as Vader on the box, and the cereal includes an “exclusive droid viewer,” one of six to collect. We have no idea what these are or what they do. Something about revealing an image from the new movie? We just think the Bee is cute.

* Crayola “Star Wars” crayons, 64-pack, Wal-Mart, $4.97

Choose from Stormtrooper or Darth Vader packaging, with slightly reworked colors, like Orange Outer Space and Blue Alloy. When coloring in the lines, may the Force be with you. 

* “Star Wars” fleece-lined kids’ Crocs, Kohl’s, $29.99-$34.99

R2D2-, Chewy- or Vader-themed Crocs. A-freakin’-dorable. Sorry, we didn’t see them in adult sizes. Seeing and liking these is a sign our taste in Crocs has evolved over the years into enjoyment and appreciation. Unlike our feelings on “The Phantom Menace,” which are entirely fixed. It’s awful. This new one better not be awful. Fingers and everythings crossed.

* Darth Vader waffle maker, Kohl’s, $49.99

Just go easy on the Dark Side on these — you don’t want them too crunchy. 

* “Star Wars” Light Saber Ice Pop Maker, Kohl’s, $24.99

Makes four light-up ice pop sabers. Cool in every sense of the word.

* Jelly Belly 20-flavor “Star Wars” package, Kohl’s, $14.99

Officially licensed! With Darth Vader on the box! Includes flavors such as cotton candy! OK, so we don’t know what cotton candy has to do with Darth Vader. Maybe sour apple, but not cotton candy. 

* “Star Wars” Tiny Chef kit, Kohl’s, $14.99

Includes a whisk, spatula and X-Wing and Tie-Fighter cookie cutters for your mini kitchen Rebel.

* Han Solo and Princess Leia mice two-pack cat toys, Petco,  $4.99

Little stuffed mice dressed as Han and Leia, complete with hair buns (Leia) and vest (Han). Toss to your cat or keep behind glass in a tamper-proof, temperature-regulated case. They’re bound to increase in value — once the world realizes there is such a thing.  

* “Star Wars” character dog hoodies, Petco, $19.99-$24.99

Dress your pooch to look like Yoda, R2D2, BB-8 or Chewbacca. You know you want to.

Best find: Han Solo in carbonite dog toy, Petco, $6.99

This is just … we can’t even … gah! And it squeaks. Which just made our day.

Think twice: About making it through the aisle of just about any store this month without seeing a “Star Wars” tie-in. Surrender yourself to the Force.

Of retail.

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who will free Han! Or destroy the house trying) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.