DEAR ABBY: I have been having an affair with a married man for eight years. At first, both of us were married, but my husband died two years ago. Since then, my lover and I have grown closer, but he won’t leave his wife because of his kids.

I love him dearly, but cannot go on living life this way. He doesn’t want me to see other people. Every time I try to end it, he talks me out of it and makes me feel guilty for trying. I need help, please. — MESSED UP IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MESSED UP: The little voice that’s telling you you can’t go on living this way is your rational thinking. The one that’s talking you out of moving on is coming from a selfish individual who is thinking only of his own interests and not yours.

As it stands, your lover has a harem. If that’s fine with you, I can’t change your mind. But if it isn’t, remove the blinders from your eyes and end this romance because it is going nowhere and probably never will.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a quandary. Many years ago, we rescued a precious 4-year-old and her newborn brother from a horrific living situation and tried to adopt them. After more than a year and 16 contentious court hearings, we were devastated when the court returned them to their mother. I’m sure they have no idea how hard we fought for them, and I still love them dearly and keep tabs on them as best I can.

The girl is now 18, and I am retiring and will be moving away. I have a bin of baby things, school mementos, etc. for each of them that I’ve kept all these years, and which I will return to them. However, I also have the many photographs that documented their indescribable living conditions, the police reports, the court documents, etc. I strongly feel these should be destroyed, because to see and read this graphic information would be far too traumatic and would serve no good purpose. What do you think? Is it right to withhold this from them? — HOLDING ON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING ON: I don’t believe in withholding information, so before you do, I think you should tell the young woman what you have and let her make the final decision about what should be done with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have heard this but never believed it: When a woman is beautiful, men are afraid to ask her out for fear that they will be turned down. I am 65, and all my life I have (luckily) been told that I am beautiful. I have imperfections, but if I were a man, I would be proud to be seen with me.

Men stutter around me, so they don’t ask me out. I attract younger men, but I live in a small town and I wouldn’t want to start rumors. Please tell me what you think about my dilemma, and will I ever find a soul mate. — WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR WONDERING: You will find a soul mate after you stop worrying about what people say about you. At your age, eligible men are scarce, so if someone younger shows interest, don’t make your decisions on outdated stereotypes, take him up on it!

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.