A tale of two dresses

Is it white and gold? Blue and black? Science has shown that because of subtle variations in optic melanin, 45 percent of us just do not care.

P.S.

It’s white and gold. If you think otherwise, you’re clearly drunk and should have your melanin checked.

Sketchy part IV

Another stroke of brilliance from the mad artist Bill Eldridge came in the mail this week. This sketch was all about beards, yet for some reason, it also features me naked but for a fig leaf held over my midsection. How this dude knows what I do on my weekends remains a mystery.

Wappa, wappa, wappa, thud

I can’t count how many times this winter I’ve been riding in my car or truck only to be greeted by ungodly noises from below – noises that make you think you’re about to shell out all of your piggy bank money on stupid repairs on auto parts you’ve never even heard of. I need a new Calcutta valve and some poon switches? Great. Just great. I can’t count how many times I’ve climbed out of my truck in despair only to discover foot-thick chunks of ice built up behind my mud flaps, a condition that will cause your truck to go – and I quote – wappa, wappa, wappa, thud – every time you so much as nudge the steering wheel. You don’t need any poon switches, my friend. Just kick those mud flaps like they owe you money and you’ll be good to go.

Hair down to there

So here it is the end of the day and your beast of a husband hasn’t even commented on your new hairstyle – which cost more than your monthly rent, by the way, and which required you to sit for five hours with your head in one of those funky dryers. Or maybe it’s the wife who’s doling out the hurt, failing to notice your happening new beard style, which you call – with deep affection – The Charlie Daniels. It’s not easy to get a beard just right and by God, you’d appreciate some recognition. We know how it is. Since humans first sprouted hair to keep them warm, they’ve been fussing over it, removing it or adding to it; searching for the perfect balance of body, volume and sheen; spending long hours and big money for the perfect look that appears to have come naturally. New hairstyle? What, this old thing? We want to hear your thoughts on hair — whether you prefer to shave it, perm it, laser it, twist it into mad coils, pluck it or ignore it completely. Bad haircuts and embarrassing wax stories a plus. Please, my friends. Don’t brush us off. Send your comments to Mark LaFlamme at mlaflamme@sunjournal.com

No foolin’

Doesn’t the query above sound like something I might have made up just for yucks? It’s not. Write me now!