I preface this letter by stating that I am actually a tea party Republican; however, I have decided I want to run for president of the United States.

Having said that, I realize I must take advantage of the left-wing media bias and its double standards and that if I stand any chance of achieving my goal I must rebrand myself.

So I have decided to run as a native-American, black-Islamic, transgendered socialist Democrat. That will allow me to campaign with the biased liberal mass-media firmly in my hip pocket.

I will be able to grope my staff’s wives while on TV (as Vice President Joe Biden has done without repercussion). I will wage war on the War on Women while paying my female staffers 75 percent of what my male staffers earn and not have to apologize for it. I will make many promises I won’t keep, tell lies and not be held to account.

I will crisscross the country bashing Christians and gun rights advocates while earning the praise and applause of my media pals.

I am looking forward to not even having to defend my new label claims. I am also glad I won’t have to verify my fictitious heroic military career that doesn’t exist (remember I am running as a Democrat) — think Connecticut Sen. Richard Blumenthal.

One last thing: I have a plan for dealing with ISIS — I intend to go golfing on the public’s dime.

William Sullivan, Buckfield