Brr and whatnot

Remember all those stories I wrote last winter about the polar vortex and all the good times that followed? No? Me neither. Let us not speak of it again. When it’s cold it’s cold. We don’t need four stinking syllables to pretty it up.

The beast is back?

Does this sound familiar? Every five or six years, this potential man-eater rears its head on the backroads. Recently received: “On November 8th while my boyfriend and I where driving through Hebron we saw this animal in the opposite lane. This animal had to weigh 300-400 lbs. It was the size of a calf. It was shaped like a hyena. It was all black with thick spike fur on its neck and back. Its eyes were glowing red. Its face looked like a wolf but the body was like a hyena but a lot larger! It sat in the road and watched us pass with no fear at all! It was freaky looking! I don’t know what it was but would definitely like to know!”

Find out more at Weird Encounters of Maine on Facebook. You know, if you dare and whatnot.

On come the bells and such

As of Thursday night, I’d discovered Christmas lights up at homes on Randall Road, Webber Avenue and Dill Street in Lewiston. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong to put up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving, I’m only reporting that these lights are out there. And that it’s wrong.

Those sweet silver bells, etc.

And speaking of premature Christmas indulgence, if you’re a store clerk forced to listen to the dulcet notes of holiday music four to eight hours a day, you may be entitled to compensation. But that’s not our department. We’d just like to hear how this has affected your health, well-being and impulse control. If you’re an ordinary shopper driven to madness by the voice of Bing Crosby, Burl Ives and others, we’d like to hear from you, too. Together we can make the bad dreams stop. Or something. Send your Christmas music complaints to mlaflamme@sunjournal.com. Bonus points if you sing them to me.

Haughty derision

A nice fellow used this term one recent night while describing a tense encounter he’d had with another man. I have decided that if I go on to be a major hip-hop star – and this could happen, don’t kid yourself – this is going to be my stage name. I’m gonna be huge, yo. Know what I’m saying?