Pelletier: Greetings again old, old friend.

This week, I’m going to take you back to your childhood, when the rules dictated you couldn’t throw a forward pass in football. Remember that, man? I don’t.

Maybe we won’t go that far back, but the topic is in the ballpark. It’s one that draws the ire of officials and fans (and coaches and players): Rules.

What weekend football fans see on television on Saturdays and Sundays, and what they see on the field on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons, is drastically different in some cases. Some rules are very similar, or the same, for the high school, college and professional games. But there are some that are so different, they cause fans on the sidelines to scratch their heads, coaches to toss a clipboard and yes, even those infallible striped-jersey-wearing folks to second guess themselves once in a while.

So I ask you, Mr. Football, which rule difference causes you the most consternation?

I’ll even take one out of play right away: In high school, if you hit the ground with no one within the whiff of a bloomin’ onion, you’re still down, no chance to get up and make a break for the snack shack (or end zone, whatever). In the professional ranks, they can get up and go. Never quite understood that one.

How’s about you, Oaksie?

Oakes: Dude, that last paragraph made it sound as if you’re, like, obsessed with food. Those 3 a.m. twin-feeding sessions giving you the munchies or something?

I’m going to take a different approach than you and accentuate the positive. Because I know it’s hard to believe, but people accuse me of being negative sometimes, especially when I’m saying something that exposes them or doesn’t go their way.

Anywho, the rule I like in high school that is different from the pros — and I hope it stays this way forever — is that every pass interference flag is 15 yards. Offensive. Defensive. It’s simple, and it doesn’t leave fans confused or give overextended officials another subjective issue to consider in the heat of the game.

That call has destroyed the NFL, making heroes and Super Bowl winners out of knuckleheads such as Joe Flacco and Eli Manning. You don’t have to be good or even accurate. The rules of the pro game are so slanted in favor of the offense that all you have to do is heave the ball into man coverage, get the guy to breathe on your receiver’s uniform a little too heavily, draw a 56-yard penalty and let your short-yardage back do the rest.

Dang it, I promised positive. I was doing well until Flacco and Manning popped into my brain. So let’s turn it back to the good side of the ledger. I love the fact that the defense in high school football has a fighting chance. You can’t cover literally half the field with a wing, a prayer, and a hanky. We’ve already seen the high school game evolve exponentially, as you so snarkily point out (as if you weren’t also born in the 1970s, wannabe whippersnapper). Defense is enough of an endangered species without turning a downfield bump into a felony.

Any other rule that you love? Or love to hate?

Pelletier: Well, since you’ve decided to be Mr. Kumbayah this week, I suppose I can play along. And for the record, my twins are now older than I was on Jan. 1, 1980. 

Let’s talk oooovertime. Currently, in the NFL, if you win the coin toss, you can march down the field and score a touchdown and the game is over. The league did modify that rule to at least take the sudden death (excuse me, sudden victory) field goal out of play. But the NFL is the only league I can think of that feels as if it’s OK to allow only half of one team decide the outcome of the game.

In high school, the ball is placed at the 10-yard line. Team A gets four downs to score in any manner it chooses. Team B is then afforded the same opportunity. In college, the starting line is further back and they get an extra first down to play with, but the sentiment is the same: Let both the offense and defense for each team get a crack at making a difference. Heck, that’s already made a difference in the Class C standings this season.

And please don’t tell me you disagree with this, Mr. Flower Power … 

Oakes: “Sudden victory.” Meh. You watch too much field hockey. And thank you for snapping me out of shiny-happy-people mode.

High school has a good system for breaking the tie. College has a better system. Start at the 25. The reason high school won’t go with that arrangement anytime soon is the same reason the NFL Players’ Association won’t accept it. It means the game could last forever. In the pros, both teams would keep scoring. In high school, I suppose the concern is that one might never score.

But in high school, where field goal kickers are less plentiful than zeroes on our paychecks, at least this would force the offense to gain at least one first down before it can start thinking points. It also infuses the defense with just a smidgen more confidence. You can’t really pin back your ears when the opponent is starting with first-and-goal.

Because I’m all about defense. And Wing-T. And all pro games being on free TV. While I thumb through my Doobie Brothers and Fleetwood Mac vinyl. Now get off my lawn, kid.