Pretty in pink

At the St. Dom’s graduation last week, an ebullient young lass in a gown handed me her bright pink phone and requested – nay, demanded! – that I take photos of her and her classmates as they arranged themselves at the front of the room. It was strange. I had that phone in my hands for maybe 10 minutes and all I wanted to do was run into the bathroom and take a photo of myself in front of a mirror. I would have done it, too, but my hair was just awful that night and I absolutely hated the blouse I was wearing. I mean, gawd!

Sheeple of Walmart

No, not people sheep, real sheep. There were three of them in the bed of a pickup truck parked just outside the doors of the super store. In the back seat was a man leaning out the door to vomit in the parking lot while his bored driver waited for it to be over. Disgusting? Yes. Disturbing, for sure. But the retching sheep herder did something that nobody at Walmart every achieves. He did something that utterly surprised me at Walmart.

Ewe know you want to look

And speaking of sheep, who the fleece left a copy of Sheep Industry News on my office desk? The centerfold in that thing is just awful. Shear abomination.

Pine Street hopscotch

So, now we have an official explanation for those crazy lines up the length of Pine Street, yet still nobody knows how to use them. Are they for pogo stick travel? Unicycles? Kick ‘n Go? Nobody knows, and so those narrow lanes remain empty at all hours of the day. If you dig conspiracies – and seriously, who doesn’t? – you might be inclined to think that those white lines aren’t lanes of travel at all but part of some secret plan to dig a mote around the downtown. And frankly, now that I give it some thought, is that really such a terrible idea?

The lawn mower song

I was out in the Pleasant Street area the other night where I paused to listen to the soothing sound of a lawn mower cutting grass. Nothing says late spring quite like that sound. Bzzzzzz ummm zzzzzzz ummm. And then, as I was reaching mowvana, that heavenly music was interrupted by a loud and sudden KA-CLANK-ANK-ANK which was followed by one of the longest and most ferocious strings of profanity I have ever heard. It was strangely beautiful, in a terrifying way.