Bar Harbor is that hot guy you dated one summer. The guy with the tribal tattoos encircling his wrist, nubby wool hiking socks pulled mid-calf and an olive-colored windbreaker, a biology major leaving in September for Haiti to drill wells.

That guy.

It’s also the guy with a little too much family money, the lobsterman, the frat boy and the cautious fellow who drives 15 mph (because, what, a whale might dart out into the road? Seriously, Bar Harbor, seriously, traffic much?)

Pardon us while we get a little nostalgic.

OK, nostalgia’s over.

Now pardon us while we shop.

Bar Harbor is a town of many personalities, many sights and many seasons, and it’s coming up on one of our favorites. As of Monday, all of the roads are open in gorgeous Acadia National Park. Knowing that, we pretty much had no choice but to hit B-town in our first virtual road trip of the summer.

We may have left Mr. Olive Windbreaker in our dust, but we’ll never get enough of a year-round Christmas shop featuring Maine artisans or Cool As A Moose.

Drive, shop, wink at your old beaus in your rearview.

* Bacon bit lollipop, Cool As A Moose, $4.99

Four inches of awesome. This is the store for sweet stocking-stuffers. A little early to be thinking that way, but barely.

* Mooseberry Jam, 4 oz., Cool as a Moose, $4.99

Now with real moose! Or cranberry! Which sounds more enticing? It’s that one.

* Stone doorknobs, Window Panes, $15

Exactly as advertised, a smooth round stone and doorknob doohickey. “Collected from a private beach off the coast of Maine,” according to the description. So basically plucked from Martha Stewart’s private island. Or Kirstie Alley’s. Or John Travolta’s. Or Jonathan Frakes’, the guy who played Riker in “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”

We can see all of them selling rocks on the side.

* Acadia Maine poster, Window Panes, $31

A 14- by 22-inch digital print poster that features Maine’s rocky shore in the foreground and pine trees in the distance. A great way to remember your trip to the area, virtual or otherwise.

* Glass brook trout ornament, Christmas Spirit Shop, $20.95

Blown glass, 3 inches long, made in Maine and oddly beautiful. Not that it’s odd; Bag Lady has just never fallen for a fish before.

* Sea Glass Martini Stemware, Indigo Blues, $27.99

“Ooh, pretty martini,” your friends will say. That’s worth $27.99 right there.

* “Murderer’s Row” by Crabbe Evers, Mystery Cove Book Shop, $4

Adorable name (Mystery Cove Book Shop). Adorable location (nearby Hulls Cove). Adorable bookstore dogs (named Simon Templar and Lord Peter Wimsey). Oh. And books.

Lots and lots of books.

We stumbled on “Murderer’s Row,” a baseball mystery that features a sportswriter-sleuth. Written by Crabbe Evers, which is, apparently, the pseudonym of writing team William Brashler and Reinder Van Til. We promise we’re not making this up.

* Lobster package, The Oceanarium, tickets $14.50 for adults/$9.50 for children

Includes a tour of the lobster hatchery, their lobster museum and a dip (of your hands) in the Discovery Pool.

Go tickle a crab! Not a euphemism, we swear.

Best find: Admission to the Abbe Museum, $6 for adults/$2 for children

In the heart of downtown Bar Harbor, the Abbe Museum and Shop is dedicated to the history and culture of the Wabanaki Nations, complete with a regular schedule of exhibits, events and workshops. One museum not enough? Abbe offers a second location at the entrance to Acadia National Park (admission $3 for adults and $1 for children). So go, learn, shop, get inspired.

And feel free to tell Bar Harbor we sent you.

Think twice: About skipping a visit to The Man Store of Bar Harbor

We’re not able to find too many specifics about it online; its website is under renovation. It sells Man Cave merch, cigars, “Man-in-training” T-shirts and microbrews, which, along with The Man Store name, is enough to get us intrigued and in the door next time we’re in the area.

And who knows, maybe it’s where Mr. Olive Windbreaker ended up.

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who find crabs entrancing) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.