Tracy Rousseau would finish photographing the Dempsey Challenge, get in her car and light up a cigarette.

The irony was not lost on her. Here she was, volunteering her services for people affected by cancer — and yet, she was still a slave to her addiction.

Rousseau, now 40 and living in Bowdoin with her two children and husband, started smoking when she was 15 years old. Over the years, she had tried everything to quit.

Patches, gums, medicine — everything.

“I knew a guy who chewed the gum for three years. You just end up replacing your addiction and then dying of lip cancer!”

At 25 years old, she watched her grandmother die of throat cancer, and it motivated her to quit for two entire years.

Then she attended a wedding and had a few drinks.

“Alcohol is the worst thing for smokers,” Rousseau said. “So I started smoking again and would quit two or three times per year.”

But she was never able to kick the habit permanently.

In 2009, the inaugural of the Dempsey Challenge, her good friend, Mark Turcotte, the communication specialist for The Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope and Healing, asked her to photograph the events.

“I looked around and thought I was going to be one of those people they need to raise money for because I’m an idiot,” she said. “Because now I’m dying of cancer because I can’t quit smoking.”

In 2010, the second Dempsey Challenge fell on her birthday, Oct. 2, and she decided it was the year. Her son, Luccas, was getting to the age where he was noticing her smoking and getting on her case constantly. To avoid a confrontation, she found herself sneaking cigarettes. Also, her brother who has cystic fibrosis threatened to disown her.

She was done, she decided.

“I was so depressed about smoking. I couldn’t breathe, and I was having a hard time.” 

She fashioned a fake cigarette from a filter off one of her Marlboro Lights and a Bic pen, cut to the exact length of a cigarette and quit cold turkey.

“I really am a believer that just quitting is the way to go. I would look at websites with horror stories every day to remind myself.”

When she felt the need for a cigarette, she would go through the motions of “smoking” her Bic.

“I would roll down the window in the car and everything. I would inhale and exhale. It would drag like a real cigarette and had the same weight and feel of a cigarette and everything.”

She also timed her cravings and told herself the need for nicotine would be over in two minutes. It worked.

“A lot of it is just a mental game. After three days, the nicotine is gone and it’s just a completely mental challenge.”

Now Rousseau has been smoke-free since that day in October, more than two years ago. She says it just feels different this time.

“When you finally do it and it’s for real, you can feel it. Now when I see people smoking, instead of wishing I was them, I feel sorry for them.”

Last year, Rousseau rode for the first time in the challenge and plans on going back this year with her children.

She wants to do just 10 miles, but Turcotte is trying to convince her to do 25.

She’s leery, though. Last year was the first time she had been on a bike since she was 14 years old.

“But I’ve been riding my husband’s bike with the kids down to the store to get a Popsicle. That’s six miles, round-trip. It’s a good ride for us.”