Always with the summer sausage.

For Bag Lady’s amazing grandfather, rarely does a celebratory event pass that he is not gifted summer sausage by one of his familial admirers.

In my many decades, I’ve never actually seen him eat summer sausage, truly. (For the uninitiated, it’s tubular, spicy, dehydrated meat-stuff that, sliced, goes good on crackers.) His glaring lack of expletives — always a sincere, “Thank you,” never a, “Cripes, again?” — makes me think he must enjoy it to some degree. Or he’s just very polite (which he is, and that complicates things in this case).

So, bottom line: He has a birthday coming up.

The Hickory Farms store has come and gone in the Auburn Mall, and I’m thinking it’s time for something new.

Shopping for something that is not summer sausage? Piece of cake! Shopping for something that will make my most favorite octagenarian’s day? A challenge, but a happy one.

* Traveller windshield wash and de-icer, one gallon, Tractor Supply Co., 2/$3

OK, is this day-making? Maybe not. Unless you’ve just been passed by six tractor-trailers, your windshield is caked with clumps of blinding dirt, there’s a black cat crossing the road, a toddler on a tricycle weaving all over the breakdown lane, a broken 2-by-4 laden with rusty nails lying in the roadway and, oh my god, my windshield wash reserve has run dry! I can’t see! I can’t see!

THEN, my friend, it’s day-making.

And, it’s on sale, so buy two.

* Tool Box Brand blue shop towels, TSC, $5.99

For automotive and outdoor chores. Blue, extra thick and extra manly.*

* Because they’re blue.

* John Wayne merch, TSC, $6.99-$19.99

Take your pick: Monopoly, cards, a blanket or pocket watch. For your Duke.

* Slim Jim single-serving sticks, Everything Warehouse, 29 cents

In “kinda hot” or “freakin’ hot,” they’re in the sausage family. Well, at least they are to my untrained meat mind. Since it doesn’t require a knife, it’s also easily snacked upon, unlike that pesky summer sausage. I don’t envision my grandfather gnawing off great chunks of it. But he might, of course. It’s part of the mystery.

* Full-body thermal union suit, TSC, $12.99

In different sizes, including tall, for throwing on under regular duds before plowing the driveway or shoveling the roof. Could mark the first time someone has bought him a onesie in 80-plus years.

* Governor’s restaurant gift certificate, Governor’s, $20

Optional: Including the recommendation that he partake in the Bacon BBQ Meatloaf. What wonder is that? It starts with this description: “Two slices of our homemade meatloaf with bacon, BBQ sauce, and melted cheese . . . “

Oh, yes, Bag Lady will be his lunch date that day.

Best find: Wild Bird Food, 35 pounds, TSC, $11.99

A whole lot of birdseed for the man with a whole lot of bird feeders. Seed makes birds happy. Having popular feeders makes him happy. We have a smile, and therefore, success.

Think twice: About letting another day pass before letting someone you consider remarkable, sweet, kind, funny and resilient know just what you think of them.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who celebrate summer sausage) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.