Shopping Siren is notoriously bad at creating Halloween costumes. Evidence: She once threw a vampire cape over a black shirt and pants and, armed with a mini toy light saber, called herself a Jedi. It would have been cute if she had been, say, 5. She was not 5.
Bag Lady relishes a good costume, having been E.T., a giant pumpkin, a ladybug and a punk rocker with homemade flourishes. (Is there a statute of limitations on how many times one can punk rock? She may be dangerously close.)
So when Bag Lady recently heard a radio ad encouraging costume shopping at Goodwill, we had a light-bulb moment. Goodwill! For the outfit-impaired, mix pre-made costume pieces and call it ghoul. For those creative geniuses, toss random thrift store items together with a couple of Halloween accessories and haunt the town.
At the Auburn store we chose five traditional adult costumes and one that’s more . . . unique. Round them out with items from your own wardrobe. (We suggest shoes. Shoes are helpful.)
Shopping Siren’s picks:
Devil
* Devil tail and horns, $4.98
For instant devilishness. Even if you pair with a black cape and toy light saber.
* Red satin PJs, women’s small, $4.99
I wouldn’t recommend wearing the button-down, decorated top — it is hard to be devilish in an applique collar — but the red satin pants are perfect for an aspiring Satan.
Pair with:
* Covington red scoop-neck shirt, women’s small, $4.99
If the above PJ pants fit, this shirt probably will, too. Thin, stylish, with three-quarter-length sleeves and a scoop neck. What devil doesn’t want to look hot?
Mad scientist
* PMG mad scientist wig, $5.99
A shock of white/gray hair to put you in the mad-scientist mood. That and shrieking, “Great Scott, 1.21 gigawatts!”
* Peaches Uniforms white lab coat, $2.99
A size 16, which makes it an adequate fit for many adults, roomy for teens and adorably large for tweens. Smear with red food coloring for that fresh-from-the-secret-lab look.
* Sticky eyeballs, $1.48
Because every scientist needs a pair of sticky, squishy, glow-in-the dark eyeballs.
Frankenstein’s monster
* Monster skirt, $9
Small brown skirt with brown and green torn-fabric fringe. Cute and Frankensteiny. Hard to find that in a skirt, normally.
* Leg Impressions Open Work Tights, $3.98
Fishnet-style tights with a design that looks a lot like a long scar running down the side of the leg. Perfect for a Frankenstein Halloween costume. In fact, we’re not really sure when else you would wear them.
* Frankenstein hat, $2.99
Lime-green top hat with faux bolts sticking out of the sides and a pair of red scars on the front. More Mel Brooks than Boris Karloff, but even monsters can have a lighter side.
Bag Lady’s picks:
Pirate
* Costume pirate shirt, $4.99
Puffy white sleeves, black lace-up front. Arrgh!
* Silky pirate skullcap, $1.98
Red or black, pick your poison.
* Full, gray, strap-on beard, 99 cents
Easy to put on and pull off throughout the night so no kisses, or Kisses, will be missed.
Vampire
* Instant Vampire Costume Kit, $2.99
So easy this almost feels like cheating a bit. Includes tube of fake blood, medallion, black hairpiece and fangs. Ta-da! Er, vlah!
* Velveteen coat, women’s small, $4.99
Soft, thick and wearable post-Halloween, provided you don’t spatter too much blood on it.
* Over-the-knee socks with feather cuffs, $1.98
Black. Vampy. BL is not endorsing, of course, that you only wear a coat and socks. Do also wear earrings.
Michael Jackson
* Michael Jackson red leather jacket-look shirt, price unknown
Like the jacket MJ wore in “Thriller,” except really, it’s a polyester pullover. May fool people from 37 yards away. Everyone closer will burst out laughing. In a good way.
* White magic stretch gloves, 98 cents
Use one. Discard other. Heeh-heeh-heeh!
* Skigear black ski pants, men’s medium, $4.99
The promise of sweet vooot, vooot sounds when you bust out a Moon Walk. Unless your thighs naturally don’t touch. To that we say, dark chocolate, aisle two, eat some.
Should we stay or should we go now?
Like the time it takes to dry one’s nails, read “The Shining,” or bake banana bread, some things cannot be rushed.
We had hoped to tell you this week whether we’re sticking with Bliss or taking a permanent vacation, but we now hope to let you know next week.
Until then, happy shopping! And Happy Halloween.
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (one of whom once dressed as Superman, very reluctantly) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.
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