Neither Bag Lady nor Shopping Siren is getting married anytime soon, largely because one of us is already married and that would force an awkward conversation.

Lack of impending nuptials notwithstanding, we’re both hooked on TLC’s “Say Yes To The Dress.”

Hooked.

Actual e-mail exchange following an episode two weeks ago:

SS: “$21,000 for that? With the oddly cut bust that had bows on it? Of all the dresses in the world, that’s the one so precious that they lock it in a vault?”

BL: “Amen! The bust bows were too much on what was already too much. I kept waiting for them to say to her, ‘Um, you remember, right, this is $21,000?’ Or, ‘Yay for you! It’s been slashed to $3,000 because it hasn’t moved in 10 years.’”

So, we’re sometimes a bit critical. It’s part of the fun. So is mooning over all that flowing organza, tearing up at the we-beat-the-odds love stories and admiring the saint-like patience of the Kleinfeld’s wedding consultants.

Oh, and Randy. We love Randy. He’s the sassy, man-about-the-sales-floor who knows everything. If we were getting married soon, we’d high-tail it to him tout de suite.

The newest season of “Say Yes” put Bag Lady in the mood to finally visit Terry’s Bridal Fashions in downtown Lewiston. There may not be any more bridal bouquets in my future, but allow me to live vicariously through you, reader/bride-to-be.

The shop’s on the smaller side, loaded with dresses and run by a very attentive woman who has a very friendly Old World grandmother vibe. Such service makes it about as easy to secret shop here as it would in a bank vault, but with SS’s help, I managed.

* Wall o’ wedding gowns, assorted styles, $300-$625 range

In white or champagne, with sleeves, without sleeves — take your pick. I even spotted a size 26. One of the most popular gowns, featured in the window, with 55 accent colors (55!?) to choose from was under $500, about one-third the cost of the lowest-priced gowns that appear on “Say Yes.”

Hey, Maine knows a bargain.

Another standout: Now & Forever couture ($625) off-white, fitted corset, beads galore and you get to own something with “couture” on the label.

* Racks and racks of bridesmaids’ samples, $100-$200 range

Teal. Orange. Hot pink with full-body ruching. Loads of options to cruelly subject, or flatteringly dress, your nearest and dearest. Some were made to order; some you could buy off the rack. A black and white floral belted number by Alexia ($140) left Bag Lady wanting to be a bridesmaid again.

* Veil, $65

White, simple, airy.

* Rhinestone tiara with side combs, $100

Not so simple, but that’s exactly the point, right?

* Alfred Angelo white flower girl dress, $99

With just a little sparkle and a pink ribbon at the waist, this is why you invited Little Allison to be in your wedding party and agreed to overlook her chicken pox.

No best buys or think twices this week. Every bride deserves her perfect gown, even if it’s got cutesy cleavage decor.

So that’s what it takes? Guns and ice cream?

It’s no exaggeration to say we at Bliss average less than one reader comment a month either via e-mail or www.sunjournal.com. Imagine our surprise when we heard from five folks over last week’s Cabela’s column. A brief statistical breakdown:

* 40 percent said that they’d had fabulous luck with make-your-own-ice-cream balls after we expressed doubts about the fun and ease of such a device. Doubts allayed.

* 40 percent were, we believe, male readers giving general kudos and comments that included, “Protect yourselves ladies. Learn to shoot or at least wave it in the air and yell ‘Yippie’ when you find a bargain worthwhile.”

* 20 percent took us to task for poor taste in the description of Cabela’s shooting gallery and one particular target (a sack with a fake cat that yowled when shot).

For the record, we’re definitely anti-pet maiming, both fictional felines and not. For the record, we also love it when we hear from you.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who hope to never be pressed into ring bearer service) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.